My first journey with Ayahuasca

It was Ibiza, there's something about this island that drawn me to be there in many occasions. Over the years I heard about Ayahuasca,  I have been intrigued by the idea since. But only until recently, I have the urge of my soul to experience it. Then I choose to have my first Ayahuasca experience in Ibiza.

I obsessed about the idea that I will be able to see other reality that available for me.
I've seen my life so colorful, but this is beyond colorful. I would like to open the door to that idea.
I am aware that Ayahuasca can't heal you, you have to do the work, but it can show you how, it can give you insight if you allow yourself to open the door to it, this can also mean to face your own fear, demon, pain, and resistance.

Where does it start
I start to do my homework to where is the best place for me to have this experience, I can't risk my life to a inexperience shaman or a  retreat that more focus on commercial. I was thinking about going to Peru, but I decided to start small first in Europe.

My Experience
So how was my experience.
It was exciting, beautiful, comforting, difficult, revealing, pain, joy, confronting at the same time. The Ikaros that the shaman sing, is more than a song, it's a healing tool, a mirror, a stone, a hammer, a jagger, your heartbeat, a magic song. At some point I couldn't bear it anysecond and I want to scream to the Shaman to shut the hell up and leave me alone, at another I fly like a superman on top of the cities and smile to feel that feeling of flying. I walked down the fanfare with all the colors that I haven't seen in my life and fly again and land again. So exiciting.

Some interaction with the participant in those retreat, is very insightful, I met people that I just met, with a deep level of connection that I never felt before from a total stranger. I feel so blessed. Love is all around you.

1. A deeper level of understanding and awareness of what is happening in my life, an acceptance with love and compassion to myself, for mistakes, anger, Quest with a big Q in my life, questions are not answered but understood. Life has no purpose, Life itself is a Purpose.

2. That everything that is happening into my life, has been and always have been, and will always be perfect as it is. Every pain, every anger, every sadness, every tears, every success, every joy, every encounter with every human being are meant to be, they are all either to remind you, to show you, and available for you to experience them.

3. Learning to accept my fear and my pain as much as I accept my happines, love, joy, I also learned to embrace nausea, mental stories, judgment , anger and many other things that when I resisted only make it worse, but when I allowed them into my experience and embraced them, they taught me and then dissapear.

4. My longing for a genuine deeper meaningful connection with some human being, is coming from my longing to be happy and fulfilled, and is and always can be found from within.

5. A greater awarenes of the pattern that cause me from suffering such as trying to proof myself that I am worthy to be loved, I don't need too, I am loved by default, there is nothing I can do to remove myself from love, I am love, there's no need to proof your worthiness to anyone.

During my nights there I took Ayahuasca 2 times, the first one was the hardest one, I thought at that moment I will go home and back to Amsterdam, very confronting, yet it's dissipate when I face it.

The unknown and the mystery of this plant called Ayahuasca, that reveals such a lot of things in my life in just 2 nights, has astonished me beyond any of my expectation.
I felt I have seen alot, yet, I still know nothing, unknown and yet beautiful.
A gift that I received is called Life, deep love and deep gratitude, I give back to life.